Introductions for childfree people whose minds are already made up.
A human-led introductions service for adults in the UK who have made a settled, permanent decision not to have children. Every applicant is interviewed by a person before they join, and not everyone is accepted.
ABIA registered & approved
Hard enough for anyone. Harder when you're childfree.
Meeting someone who fits is difficult for everybody. The working hours are long, the circles narrow with age, and the people you would actually choose are rarely the people you happen to be introduced to.
Being childfree narrows it further. The pool is smaller, and a good deal of it wants something you do not. Shared values matter more here than in almost any other kind of match, and they are not something you want to leave to chance.
This service exists for people who chose this life and would like to share it with someone who has chosen the same. Nothing to justify and nothing to debate. Just someone who already understands, because they arrived at it themselves.
Things you will never hear from us
- You'll change your mind
- It's different when they're your own
- You'll regret it
- Who'll look after you when you're old?
- Isn't that a bit selfish?
You've heard all of these. We're not going to be one more person asking you to justify something you settled years ago, and neither is anyone we introduce you to.
You'll be working with Anna
I'm Anna, a certified matchmaker registered with the Association of British Introduction Agencies.
Long before this was my job, I was the person friends came to when they wanted introducing to someone. I did it informally for years alongside a career in project management and sales, and enough of those introductions worked that I eventually stopped treating it as a hobby. What pushed me to do it properly was watching capable, interesting people lose years to apps that were never built to help them find anyone.
I built The Decided because it is the service I wanted myself. I'm childfree too, and I know how quickly the pool narrows as you get older, when most of the people you meet either already have children or quietly assume you'll come round. It isn't a preference you can work around. It shapes your week, your money, your plans and the whole shape of the life you're building, and finding someone who has built the same thing is genuinely hard.
I interview every applicant myself, so I know everyone in my network personally rather than as a row in a database. That's why, when I propose an introduction, I can tell you exactly why I've made it: what you have in common, where you differ, and what I think you should know before you meet.
Anna
- ABIA registered
- Every applicant personally interviewed
- UK based, GDPR compliant
Who can apply
Childfree
Accepted on the strength of the interview
You made a settled decision not to have children and it has held up. We'll ask when you decided, what has happened since, and what you'd do if a partner changed their mind in two years. We never ask about anything medical, and if you mention it, we don't write it down.
Childless
Welcome to apply, discussed at interview
Some of our members wanted children once and aren't looking for that life now. You're welcome here, and we won't ask you what happened. What we will ask is where you are today: whether this is settled, or whether it's still something you're working through. Both answers are respectable. Only one of them is a fit for this service, and it's better for everyone that we establish which before you pay rather than after.
Parents
Not eligible, including adult children
Membership is limited to people who don't have children of their own. That includes adult children and children who don't live with you. We know this is stricter than some people would choose, and that plenty of childfree people date parents of grown-up children very happily. We hold the line because the whole value of a screened pool is that nobody ever has to ask, and one exception ends that.
If that rules you out here, it doesn't rule you out with us. The Decided is run by Sparked Connection, our wider matchmaking agency, and a good number of the childfree people in that network are open to meeting someone whose children are grown. Apply there instead and you will be considered alongside them, by the same matchmaker, with the same care. We would rather point you to the right door than take your money at the wrong one.
Four steps, one of which is us saying no
Join free
A short written application, about fifteen minutes. You tell us where you stand, how long you've stood there, and what your life looks like now.
Interview
Thirty minutes on a call with your matchmaker. This is where a settled position separates from an open one, and it's the reason membership costs what it does. We ask about decision history, about how it has held up under pressure, and about the choices you've actually made around it. Nothing medical is asked, recorded or kept.
Decision
We accept or we decline, and you hear which within five working days. We decline a meaningful proportion of applicants, most often because the position is genuinely still open. That isn't a judgement about anyone. It's the promise we've already made to every member in the pool.
Introductions
One person at a time, with a written note explaining why this particular person and what you should know before you meet. Afterwards we ask you both what worked and what didn't, and the next introduction is better for it.
Why dating apps don't work for childfree people
An app is paid for the size of its pool. Every undecided person it removes is a person it can no longer show you, so it never removes them, and the box you ticked three years ago has not been looked at since.
A matchmaker is paid for one introduction working. That's the whole of the difference. It means we can afford to spend an hour finding out whether someone means it, and it means we can afford to lose the ones who don't.
| Mainstream app with a filter | Free childfree app | The Decided | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Verification | Nobody verifies | Nobody verifies | A matchmaker, in a 30-minute interview |
| Rejection rate | None | None | A meaningful proportion, published annually |
| The reasoning behind a match | An algorithm's guess | Proximity and a photo | A written rationale from whoever interviewed you both |
| What the business is paid for | Keep the pool large | Keep the pool large | Make one introduction work |
Three ways in
The Register
- Full application, interview and identity verification
- A place in the matched pool
- Considered whenever we're matching for a paying member
- No bespoke search carried out on your behalf
- No professional photoshoot included
Membership
- Full application, interview and identity verification
- Five curated introductions over the year
- Briefing call before, debrief after
- Active search beyond the membership where we need it
- A professional photoshoot, included
- Two pauses of up to twelve months
“Bring a Friend” Membership
- Everything in Membership, including the photoshoot, for both of you
- Join with someone else who is childfree and you each pay £200 less
- You are interviewed, assessed and matched entirely separately
- Both applications must be accepted for the paired rate to apply
We use reasonable endeavours to provide five introductions during your year, subject to suitable people being available and to your own responsiveness. If we fall short through no fault of yours, we extend your membership at no cost until we have met it. The “Bring a Friend” rate exists because two serious people in the pool is better for everyone, not because you are joining as a pair, and if one application is declined the other keeps their place at the standard rate. The Register is free for a limited time; we'll announce any change to that in good time and it won't affect anyone already on it. We won't sell you a membership if we can't currently see viable people for you, and we'll tell you so before you pay.
Questions people ask before applying
I'm childless rather than childfree. Is this actually for me?
It can be. The service is built around one thing: everyone in the pool is settled on not having children, and a person has checked. How you arrived there matters less than whether you've arrived. What we'd want to establish at interview is that this is a resolved position rather than a live question, because a member who is still working it out won't be happy here and won't make anyone else happy either.
Will you ask me why I don't have children?
No. We will never ask about fertility, sterilisation, contraception, treatment or any medical matter, and if you mention something of that kind we won't record it. Under UK data protection law that is special category health data and we have no business holding it. Every question we ask is about where you are now and what you want next, which is a better test in any case.
Can I join if I have adult children who've left home?
No. Membership is limited to people who don't have children of their own, and that includes adult and non-resident children. It's a stricter rule than some people would choose, and we know plenty of childfree people date parents of grown-up children very happily. We hold it because the value of a screened pool is that the question never has to be asked, and one exception ends that.
Won't mixing childfree and childless members cause problems?
It could, if it were done quietly. So we don't do it quietly. Every member knows both routes in before they join, every introduction states clearly which one applies, and nobody is ever put in front of someone whose situation they've told us doesn't work for them. Your matching preferences are yours and we don't argue with them.
How many members do you have?
We publish the figure by age band and region on our membership page and update it monthly. If the number in your band is too small to be useful to you, we'll say so before you pay rather than after.
Can you guarantee I'll meet someone?
No, and be wary of anyone who does. What we commit to is the process: a set number of introductions within a set period, each with a written rationale, plus the right to pause your membership.
What if I meet someone independently while I'm a member?
Tell us and we'll pause your membership on the spot, for up to twelve months. If it doesn't work out, you pick up the time you had left.
Is this discreet?
Yes. No public profiles, no browsable directory, no photographs shared without your say-so, and nothing about your membership visible to anyone outside the introductions we make.
From the Journal
Writing for people who already know. Plain answers to the questions childfree people actually get asked, without the assumption that anyone is going to come round.
You've explained yourself enough times
Applications take about fifteen minutes. If we don't think we can help you yet, we'll say so, and we won't take your money in the meantime.
Join freeApplying is free. There's no obligation and no automatic enrolment. We reply to every application within five working days.